Fani's Poetry ...... (my Own Poetry)

Angela

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~Dasht e Tanhaayi~
"ho si jaati ho" key mutabiq mukhatib ko 'tum' kaha jage ga.
lekin baad mein mukhatib ko 'tera' bhi kaha gaya jis ka
matlab huwa 'tu'.
hmmmmm sahi keh rahey aap lekin..hum ney Fanii ki nzm ka wzn thorra theek kiya..poori change krney ka hmarey pas right nahi..q k hmain yeh huq nahin puhanchta k un ki takhleeq k sath kuch aisa wesa krain..wo tou bus unu ney hmain visit ka kaha tha tou mazak mazaak main hum ney chand alfaazzlikh diye :)
 

Kavi

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hmmmmm sahi keh rahey aap lekin..hum ney Fanii ki nzm ka wzn thorra theek kiya..poori change krney ka hmarey pas right nahi..q k hmain yeh huq nahin puhanchta k un ki takhleeq k sath kuch aisa wesa krain..wo tou bus unu ney hmain visit ka kaha tha tou mazak mazaak main hum ney chand alfaazzlikh diye :)
Aap ney bohat behtar kar dia hae nazm ko, is mein to koi shaq nahi... :)
 
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Kavi

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khoob kaha aap ney :joy ...wesey agr doosron ko yeh huq dey diya jaye tou wo is ka ghalat istimaal bhi krtey hain :joy

Actuallyyyy kamaal yeh hai k hum main koi kmaal nahin :)
Apney kaam pe tajziya to ba'har'haal bahar se hi aana chahiye, tab hi to
sahi pata chaley ga ke hum kesa kaam kar rahey hein...aur kaam acha
ho ga to aaj nahi to kal log tasleem karein ge hi, hum apney muNh khud
to mian mitthu nahi ban saktey na...
 
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Angela

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~Dasht e Tanhaayi~
Apney kaam pe tajziya to ba'har'haal bahar se hi aana chahiye, tab hi to
sahi pata chaley ga ke hum kesa kaam kar rahey hein...aur kaam acha
ho ga to aaj nahi to kal log tasleem karein ge hi, hum apney muNh khud
to mian mitthu nahi ban saktey na...
aap ki bat sey 100% muttafiq hain...:)
Miyan mitthu bn'na bhi nai chahiye :joy warna log sirf chooriyan hi daaltey hain:)
 
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Fanii

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@Fanii Wasi Shah ...Agr aap hmain wesey tag krtey tou hum ney ''sb achaa''' hi kehna tha ..lekin aap ney hmain khud invite kiya is kaam k liye..:joy wesey hum ney sirf un alfaaz ki hi nishandahi ki hai..jin ki drusti aap ki poerty k liye fayedey mnd hai :) stay blessed :joy
Haha its ok us time ap thi ni wrna mai tag zaroor krta =))
Boht acha kia nishandahi kr k wesy an poetry likhna chori hui mai ne lekin faida zaroor hoga jo kaha ap ne thnkooo
 

Fanii

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aur yeh Wasi Shaaaaaah:s Achi hai yeh bhi....

kabhi kuch sochta hn tou
meri sochon pe haavi
ho c jaati ho...
kabhi kuch bhi jo likhon tou
tera hi naam bnta hai...
agr tum janabi ho tou...
mujhey q yaad aati ho??
mera hr lafz phir q
tera hi naam buntaa hai...
btao naa k yeh kesa rishta hai..
Agr tum ajnabi ho tou..............
...................................
tmaam azaafi alfaaz hum ney nikaaal diye hain :joy aur nazm ko aik nayi shakal dey di hai :joy aap ki nazm main wazn poora nai ho raha tha naaa is liye :s
apni is nazm pe bhi dobara nzar farmayen....chaltey hain hum...:joy time bchaney ki koshish k bawjood bhi kaafi time lug giya...:)
Achaa likha hai aap ney...khush rahiye aur koshish jaari rakhiye... Allah krey zor e qalm aur ziyada :)
Ooo thnko acha change kia ap ne wesy nzm achi ban gai hum ne to aisa socha b no tha is us time likhty huay thnkoo ;p
 

Fanii

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Theme achi hai....lekin wazn main kuch gharr barr hai :) highlighted alfaaz pr nazr saaani kijiye...:)
یہ کچھ قافیے ہیں۔۔شائد آپ اس غزل میں استعمال کر سکیں۔۔۔:)۔
ناطوں، ماتوں (اس قافیہ کا بہت زبردست شعر بن سکتا ہے۔) سوغاتوں، باراتوں، خیراتوں،مناجاتوں(اس ہی بہت اچھاشعر بن سکتا)، ،
hum ney qaafiye is liye urdu main likhye taa k parhney main confusion na ho...Achi koshish hai..jaari rakhiye :)
Boht shukiya ap ko achi lagi or wazn mai kami is liye hai k gym krty hain hum =))
Khait mazak se hat k achi baten batai ap ne ap se training leni paregi lagta hai kafi kuch seekhny ko milyga ;p
 

Fanii

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Us main koi daagh nahi hai....Nice one....!!! :)

that's tooo :) achi hai...:)

inniiiiiii zaalim :oops: :joy
rabt aur wazn theek nahin...theme achi hai..us ko behtar kijiye :joy
hum serious keh rahain k agr si main thorri c radd o badal ho jaye tou aap ki nazm bht achii ho skti :)

'''seepon ka moti'' ki jagha pe '' seep k seeney main moti'' likh lain tou ziyada behtar nai ho ga???
aur likhney ki tarz yoon ho tou achi lggey gi....
jesy Gehry Samunder Main
seep k seeney main moti...
Buland Asman Main Sitaron Ki Manind
azaad nazm aur typical nazm donon ki jhalak hai is nazm main... :oops:

Aap ki yeh nazm zbrdst hai especially theme...last line ko agr aap 2nd last line k hum qaafiya kr dain tou ... ziyada achaa lgey ga :) aur nazm k usool bhi poorey ho jayen gey :)
Achaa likha hai aap ney...hum ghaltiyan nai nikaal rahey :joy agr ghaltiyan nikaali tou aap ki saari nazmain hmaari ho jaani:s :joy just kidding...hum sirf kuch alfaaz ki aslaah kr rahey hain , serious v ley lo tey saanu ki :joy
Thnks ap ko achi to lag rahi nazmain baki han wazn or alfaz waghera mai kami hai kafi logon ne us time b guid kia tha lekin mai ne bs shok mai jo banta gya likhta gaya kabi seekhna nai ;p or mind kyun krunga muje to khushi hoti hai k koi guid krta hai boht seekhny ko milta hai ;)
Or baki agar ap nishandahi kr k apni b bana len is se shairi to beshak bana len kyun k mere to ksi b kam ki ni ye shairi ab wo dairi b pata nahi kahan hogi ab jis mai lika tha ye sb or b boht kuch tha us mai but chor dia phr sb =))
 

Angela

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Apr 29, 2019
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~Dasht e Tanhaayi~
Haha its ok us time ap thi ni wrna mai tag zaroor krta =))
Boht acha kia nishandahi kr k wesy an poetry likhna chori hui mai ne lekin faida zaroor hoga jo kaha ap ne thnkooo
:)
Ooo thnko acha change kia ap ne wesy nzm achi ban gai hum ne to aisa socha b no tha is us time likhty huay thnkoo :p
is main shukriya ki tou koi bt nai hai :)

Boht shukiya ap ko achi lagi or wazn mai kami is liye hai k gym krty hain hum =))
Khait mazak se hat k achi baten batai ap ne ap se training leni paregi lagta hai kafi kuch seekhny ko milyga ;p
Oh...Agr gym krtey hain tou phir wazn ki kami ki shikayat nai honi chahiye..q k gym sey wazn km tou hota hai pr smartness aati hai :)
aap ki poetry main kamzori wala wazn km hai :joy
Thnks ap ko achi to lag rahi nazmain baki han wazn or alfaz waghera mai kami hai kafi logon ne us time b guid kia tha lekin mai ne bs shok mai jo banta gya likhta gaya kabi seekhna nai ;p or mind kyun krunga muje to khushi hoti hai k koi guid krta hai boht seekhny ko milta hai ;)
Or baki agar ap nishandahi kr k apni b bana len is se shairi to beshak bana len kyun k mere to ksi b kam ki ni ye shairi ab wo dairi b pata nahi kahan hogi ab jis mai lika tha ye sb or b boht kuch tha us mai but chor dia phr sb =))
Is trah ki cheezain seekhi nai jaati :) poetry tou ghaar e dil pe wahi ki trah utarti hai :)
agr aap mind kr bhi letey tou hmara kia jaana tha :)
aray nai hum mzak kr rahain they..aap ki nazmain aap ko mubaarak :) likhtey rahiye :)
kaam ki nai????????? :oops: is nazriye sey kon poetry likhta hai k yeh merey kaam ki hai yaa nai :) poetry tou bus likhi jaati hai...aur apni takhleeq sey hr aik ko aik lgaao hota hai :) aap ko yoon phenkni nai chahiye...warna Alfaaz aap ko muaaf nai krain gey :joy :)
Mukammal naa chorrain..kuch naa kuch likhtey raha krain :)
 
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Fanii

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:)

is main shukriya ki tou koi bt nai hai :)


Oh...Agr gym krtey hain tou phir wazn ki kami ki shikayat nai honi chahiye..q k gym sey wazn km tou hota hai pr smartness aati hai :)
aap ki poetry main kamzori wala wazn km hai :joy

Is trah ki cheezain seekhi nai jaati :) poetry tou ghaar e dil pe wahi ki trah utarti hai :)
agr aap mind kr bhi letey tou hmara kia jaana tha :)
aray nai hum mzak kr rahain they..aap ki nazmain aap ko mubaarak :) likhtey rahiye :)
kaam ki nai????????? :oops: is nazriye sey kon poetry likhta hai k yeh merey kaam ki hai yaa nai :) poetry tou bus likhi jaati hai...aur apni takhleeq sey hr aik ko aik lgaao hota hai :) aap ko yoon phenkni nai chahiye...warna Alfaaz aap ko muaaf nai krain gey :joy :)
Mukammal naa chorrain..kuch naa kuch likhtey raha krain :)
Shukria to banta hai na jo thori boht pasnd aati kisi ko to ;p
Ye nazariya nai mera asal mai muje shok charha tha likhny ka jb muje ishq hua tha naya naya to aisa ho jaya krta hai us time insan shayar ban jata hai to mai b ban gaya tha {(laugh)}
Baki shoq ab b hai lekin ishq wala buhar utar gaya to ab fazol kam lgta ye muje ..
Alfaz b maaf krty hain kya :-?
Kuch na kuch likhny k liye deemagh ashqana hona chahiye mera jo k muj se hota nai ab =))
 

Angela

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Apr 29, 2019
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~Dasht e Tanhaayi~
Shukria to banta hai na jo thori boht pasnd aati kisi ko to ;p
Ye nazariya nai mera asal mai muje shok charha tha likhny ka jb muje ishq hua tha naya naya to aisa ho jaya krta hai us time insan shayar ban jata hai to mai b ban gaya tha {(laugh)}
Baki shoq ab b hai lekin ishq wala buhar utar gaya to ab fazol kam lgta ye muje ..
Alfaz b maaf krty hain kya :-?
Kuch na kuch likhny k liye deemagh ashqana hona chahiye mera jo k muj se hota nai ab =))
ohhhh...!!!!!!! ab smjh aaya ...phir poetry bhi WASI SHAH jesi hi ho gi{(doh)}{(doh)}{(doh)}..wo bhi ''kaash main terey haseen hath ka kangan hota'' gungunaatey phirtey hain :s
haaaaaan naaaaa...Alfaz bht sakht szaayen detey hain , lafzon ka talakh ho jana hi tou sb sey brri szaa hai :(
 
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